¡Hola a todos! I'm finding it hard to try to write every single day...not only because I really don't have enough time, but also because my life is so monotonous and I don't want to bore all of you to death, if you’re not already. Yes, as you may be able to tell I’m not in the best of moods lately. School is legitimately crazy. As of right now there is absolutely no visible light at the end of the tunnel. For tonight alone I have to read like 6 poems and make a presentation on them for my literature class, I have to do a grammar worksheet for my grammar class (which by the way is the hardest class ever), I have to read 2 online lectures and write detailed summaries on them both, and I have to start studying for my communication quiz for Thursday. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And on top of all of that I need to start thinking about what I’m going to do for my first partial exam for my grammar class which includes a 30 minute powerpoint presentation, a 3-5 page essay, a class activity that I have to make up about a piece of grammar (yah this is starting to suck isn’t it?), and then study for my actual written exam that’s due the day after all this other mess. Sounds like a lot huh? And remember all of that is for only ONE partial exam, I still have 3 others to prepare for that are all in the same week. I’m so stressed right now and a little home sick (let’s get this straight though, I’m not missing my home town or house or anything like that, I’m just missing my culture, my language, and my loved ones, if I could bring all of that here to Mexico I would be perfectly fine, but then it wouldn’t be Mexico would it?).
It’s so hard to be happy right now with all of this crap that I have to do for school. It’s also hard to feel like such an outsider sometimes. You walk down the street and everyone stares at you…some people even give dirty looks for absolutely no reason (even after I smile at them…this is mostly the snobby women though). Not to mention the extreme language barrier. I personally think my Spanish skills are ok…I don’t have much trouble understanding my teachers or my family when they are talking to me. However when my family is at the dinner table with each other and with the other native Mexican students, you can bet that I almost have no earthly idea what the hell they are talking about, one because they talk so fast, and two because they speak differently to each other than they speak to me. Sometimes I just feel so left out, I mean don’t get me wrong, I adore my host family and they are more than I could’ve asked for, but sometimes it’s depressing when you feel absolutely so alone. I mean when I stop and think about it I don’t have ANYONE here to really depend on. I think the thing that upsets me most is that I can’t express myself the way I would like to. I’m obviously still very primitive in my Spanish skills so expressing myself in the same way that I can and I would in English is almost impossible. Also I think I get upset sometimes because I haven’t really met anyone that I could form a solid friendship with. All the kids my age (yes I just called them kids like I’m some type of old grandma….which at times I definitely am) only care about how, when, and where they can get drunk next, have random sex next, or most of the time both of these scenarios are combined. Where are all the people that just want to explore the city or go get a coffee or watch a movie or grab a bit to eat and talk about important meaningful things???????
Okay now that I’ve made all of you realize how whiny I am, I do have good news! I made a 90 on my “pop” Latin-American literature quiz…and I made a 95, yes a 95, on my really really really hard grammar quiz for my advanced Spanish class!!!! I’m very excited about this, considering I thought there was no way I could’ve made such a good grade on such a difficult quiz. I will persevere!!! I just have to keep reminding myself “all you have to do is make a 70 to pass!!”. This is just so hard to do considering I’m very used to being an “A” student. I don’t like feeling like a failure.
I know that time will heal all of these sad and ugly feelings, but as for now I would like to extend a sincere “I miss you” to all of my loved ones. I love you all and miss you all, and even though we get to talk via the internet almost daily, the 2000 mile physical separation is very depressing sometimes. Anyway I will post later when something exciting happens, or the next time I just need to rant about how stressful my life is at the moment. ¡Hasta luego!
Heather,
ReplyDeleteI understand how alone you feel. When I was in Jost Van Dyke thousands of miles from home, unfamiliar with the territory, a complete stranger, and realizing how isolated I really felt, it was overwhelming at times. I did have the advantage of being around people that primarily spoke English. But I met some nice people, and knew that my time there was limited. I suppose you could come home after this semster if you were uncomfortable staying. Please know I am proud of you, think about you daily, and know a little of how you feel. Dave says to tell you "Hi" and hang in there. Call us when you wish. We love you. Your mom and Dave